Sunday, July 11, 2010

To Cesc-With Love and Squalor on The Night Before Spain's First Game

Hey, Cesc. Can you hear me? You seen any elephants yet? Oh, right. Stupid question, Liz. Ok. I know it's late there. It’s just that- I’m gonna see you for the first time tomorrow and it’s hard. I mean- to see you with them. No, not Switzerland. Them. All of them. And him. Pique. Do you have any idea how it feels watching you guys laughing and joking and having cool hair together? No. I know we've been over this: it’s not your fault you have cool hair. I know Pique's hair just does that. But hey- we've got good hair too. Arshavin: babysoft. Rosicky: bohemian chic. Sagna! What about- ok. You're right. The hair's not the point. But I still can't bear the thought of you all listening to dance music together and you getting that glow you get when you hang out with them. You know you do, Cesc. Your Catalan glow. 
And I get it- I mean, who I am anyway? Just some lousy fool who against every contrarian impulse has chosen to believe in Arsenal and its built-in suffering. A club that’s made me believe in the RIGHT WAY OF DOING THINGS, in- oh. Rhetorical question. Right. That’s another conversation. But- is it? I mean:  think about it. You are the most perfect product of our footballing philosophy. Yes yes I know. You are not a product. You are a person, Cesc Fabregas, you are a person. I’m not being sarcastic. That’s just the way I talk. I’m American, remember? Hey, don’t forget: we have the same birthday. That should count for something shouldn't it? May 4 buddies in the house! Ok ok. I'm sorry. Weak. Won’t bring it up again. 

And I know it’s not like you're running away from me. You are going home. Where the sun is warm and the dancing lasts all night. Yes of course you need to train while you’re there. There at your more than a football club. Please. It’s not like there’s a pool. There is? Oh. Several? Awesome. But I did want to ask you- what does that make us? Have you been playing all this time at less than a football club? I know I know we've been over it: it's your destiny. But guess what: I don’t care! What about my destiny? To not always have a losing fucking side? Who else is gonna give me balls with "intelligence" on them? Are you there, Cesc? Oh. Sorry. Yeah no. No I didn't- yeah. A translation issue.

I know that at this rate one of those defenders from the North will go straight for your knees by the first week of the season. But you don’t need to play forever do you? I could take care of you. I mean, it's only a rental, but- hey! They won’t love you like I love you. Hey! They won’t- Fuck. Sorry.  I know. I promised. I know that song makes you cry. It’s Pique’s favorite too? Oh yeah? Fuck Pique. Just go already. Just go. 
But the thing is Francesc- oh sorry, Cesc, got it- the thing is you and I grew up together. I mean, footballing wise. At first I probably thought you were hot, though I don’t remember that. No no I didn't- no sad face! I can hear your sad face. ¡Cesc Fábregas Soler, el más guapo del carrer!  Better now? Ok. Where was I? Anyway, then I wanted to watch you play. And then: I wanted to BE you. No, it’s not creepy. I just wanted to be able to think like that. I wanted to understand space the way your body understands space. Cool. See, I knew you’d know what I meant. 
Cesc, tonight I found myself thinking back on the time we spent together, and I wound up watching this video over and over. It was the last time we were truly happy, wasn’t it? What a great fucking afternoon. Damn, I want to hate you. I do. It would make everything easier. I want you to sit on that bench for every game. But I don’t really. I want you to run out onto that pitch and show the world what we made. Yes of course that’s what I meant: what you are. Because If I am Arsenal and Arsenal is me well then you, Cesc Fabregas Soler, are my best self. Best selves move fast, they leave, and they leave us behind. It’s what they do, Cesc. It’s just what they do


  1. this is a great post! just when i was dreaming about living forever, you made my heart heave a beat forward.

    i get so jealous of pique. maybe arsenal should flip the table and recruit him to london.

    i wish i had known about this blog during the world cup, instead of only having just found it.

    anyway, keep it up! it's rare to have a style so interesting. you've got wit.

  2. Just saw this. Thanks so much. Have a huge backlog of pieces from the WC I'm gonna post next week- we'll see if you still want me to keep it up after that! But thanks so much for your kind comment.

  3. Dude. You're awesome. I'd totally marry you, if that wasn't creepy or strange to say to a complete stranger (And if my girlfriend wouldn't strangle me, seeing as how I have her to thank for unearthing this gem that is your blog...) But, I mean, Arsenal, Spain AND Germany? You must be perfect in every way possible.

  4. Um, this is the most brilliant comment ever. Would you please ask your girlfriend if I can marry HER? She is obviously the brains of the operation.

    I've been so bad about posting this summer but as soon as the weather turns cold I'll seek refuge in football once again and bore everyone silly once again, so look out...

    Thanks again for reading...

  5. Hey Liz,

    Neil from Yanks Are Coming here. You ought to think about putting finger to keyboard again. Or fingers, if you're so advanced. The weather is nearly cold and the hot coffee option at the shop down the street is almost worth the purchase and sold in a pink sleeved cup. What more could you want? Enough retirement now. Time to deliver to the people.

  6. Cesc is back!
    Was wondering if you'd be interested in coming on as a guest for a Premier League online radio show.
    Find me on Twitter: RE_AZdroik